December 2010
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I hate it.
pennytrieuu:
I hate it when people tell me something. Something that means a lot to them. Something very important to them. They take the time to tell me every detail. Sadly, I never know how to reply to them. It’s hard, because I don’t want to upset them. Yet at the same time, I’m being such a bitch by not even replying. What the hell am I supposed to say?
2 tags
Saddening.
I hate trying to sound fucking cocky, but every girl I’ve liked I was able to get with except for one. That’s Nicole LOL. Yes Nicole. you remember when I had the slightest crush on you. I can’t even see you in that way .___. ” We’re SUPER BUDDIES NOW :) Anyways, I never had the feeling of someone I can’t get. I’m always lucky to like the girl and then...
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Scary dream of losing my sister.
“Losing my sister now means so much to me. I can not thank her (or do I ever) enough for having being a guide in my life. I may follow in her footsteps, but I do make mine different. The thought of losing my sister is unorthodox. I realized that I need a figure like her in my life. Someone who respect herself and others. Someone who makes wise decisions I wish to make. She is smart not in...
florallies:
I can’t believe I’m already done with half of my senior year. I never thought I would get here. The thought of graduation is killing me. I’m so scared to leave this comfort hellhole, as much as I hate it it is something I’ve grown accustomed to. Change always scares me. But this isn’t just a change. It’s a lifestyle change. I’ll be going away from a family I can’t stand. From a house...
This ain’t match.com but when you meet some people on here, it doesn’t matter if you never met in person. You can’t help, but to grow a little more interest in them. By all means if a relationship starts from tumblr, the internet has definitely done it’s job. Communicating through a single wire is a beauty of art.
Productive
Why do I have to feel like I have to do something productive? It’s like either I sit here and rot away, but then I realize if I do something productive, I’m still rotting my ass off. It seems like I have to accomplish these “goals” and “task” in order to maintain my human appetite for pride and dignity. Do I really have to prove to the world I am something or to...
DXM [Nyquil] Tripping
12/29/10 7 PM - 6 AM
Weather - Fairly windy and chill
Use: Vicks Forumla 44 Care
For every 15ml tablespoon contains 30mg of DXM BHr
7 PM - Drank 6 tablespoons and ate one grapefruit with some crackers.
8 PM - Feels slight euphoria
8:30 PM - Puked the crackers. Slightly relieved. Looks in the mirror. Bad decision. I felt like I was shifted into the mirror world. Must look in the...
WatchHow far did we come? A step together or a step away? What did I miss and what did I learn? What made 2010 different than 2009 and what will be different of 2011? This year has been the most influenced in my life. I wonder if I’ll regret anything or look back and laugh. The year has gone by too quick. It seems like I was just a freshman yesterday. Now, I’m a senior. I wonder if I can...
Watchsupjinny:
I’m sick of this weak hipster electro shit in NY. Now this. This is more like it.
I wonder how much work it takes to put these events together. I should make one of my summer goals to create an EPR (Electro Pop Rocks) on the east coast.
If you make one, I swear I will do anything to try to go LOL
Bad News
Every fucking story about drugs you hear is bad news. How one kid acted retard and thought he could fly and killed himself. How another person overdose and had seizures. You never hear about the good side of drugs. LSD has helped many people overcome their OCD and anxiety disorder. DXM (Nyquil) has actually helped heroine and cocaine addicts from their withdrawn systems. Use them correctly and...
florallies:
I want to hurt people. I’m so sick. I want to kill someone slowly from the inside out. Kill them in the worst way possible. Heartbreak. I want to see the hope and love fade from their eyes. I want to see the crushed expression. I want to see the anger, sadness, frustration, the reaction. I want to see that I had power over them. I don’t know what it is. I’m torn between two different...
2 tags
Fuck life. Fuck it sideways while you're at it.
I’m starting to feel again because of you.
I do drugs
It’s fucking fun :) okay but it hurts like a bitch afterwards. Some drugs are worth it. Some aren’t.
Why so serious?
Suicide is just a thought, just like pain, guilt, sadness. It kills us inside little by little. You guys are to serious when I say I want to kill myself. I really do. Maybe I will. If I don’t, then you guys say I’m bullshitting. If I do, you guys are will feel guilty about not helping. Yeah, I’m a bitch for doing this. It’s your fault for following me though. I just want to...
If I die, I wonder how many people I can kill before the cops kill me. It’ll be like a game. I only have one life. Where the fuck can you buy a tank? Maybe I should buy or make a full body bullet-proof shield. I don’t know. This is so much better than the game of life. Game of Death. Interesting.
pennytrieuu:
I’m a painless, emotionless bitch.
I’m a painless, emotionless dick.
I am suddenly in love with the though of suicidal. Like how many people can I hurt? How many people will be crying for me? I’m so cruel and inhumane. I like to live life though. I want to see what I can from where I am now and who I can and want to be. How should I kill myself again?
Can I kill myself?
I don’t feel any pain. No emotional pain. I have no feelings or emotions. If you say I will feel guilty for it, you’re wrong. I’ll be dead. I won’t have to feel guilty about anything anymore. It’s not selfish. I’ll be dead remember? Sorry to say, but it’s your fault for caring for me. I’ve helped you enough haven’t I? So can I kill myself? I...
It’s amazing how one small chemical can change your whole perspective on life.
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This is what I study now [DXM FAQ] →
I think I’m going to major in Neurophysiology or Neuropharmacology. Somewhere in that matter. No lie, this stuff is really interesting on how chemicals can affect your brain and your mind. 150 hours put into this one little website. Kudos to this man.
I’ve “tripped” on Nyquil (DXM) before. Entirely different from ecstasy, weed, opiates.
And damn right I do my research...
I tend to back down a little in my writing. I feel that my writing could offend some of my followers. Sometimes I really want to just rant and vent on subjects that makes no sense whatsoever and could offend all my followers. I respect them and myself not to make me look stupid. Thank tumblr for a personal blog.
Make others happy
That’s bullshit. You don’t go out to please other people everyday unless that’s your job. Make yourself happy first anyway possible. Your real friends will stick with you even if you’re doing crazy things to make yourself happy as long as you don’t fuck yourself over. Happiness catches along quick. Be happy and others will follow.
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All I want for my birthday is LSD. Good or Bad, I am deadly curious about it. Salvia first though. It’s much safer and the effect last less. March 1st is too far away.
Why the fuck do you follow me?
1 tag
1174) well, i've gotten to the point of being...
I seriously want to know how many people follow me just because I’m Korean. When people follow me, I check their blogs and it’s full of Korean shit. I’m like wow are you that clingy to Korean shit? I wonder how it is to be black, white, viet.
"You don't know me."
Damn fucking right I do. I know you by what the way you express yourself. If thats the way you want to show yourself and who you are, then that’s the way I will see you. People can say you’re cocky or ignorant. I won’t believe it until I see it. If you say I don’t know you, what’s there to know about? Oh so you’re faking this shit. You’re a fake, okay.
Mad
For the first time, I’m just mad at everyone and everything. I have no right to be. It’s pretty awkward to feel this way I’m just pissed off at every little sound or sight I see. It’s really frustrating. It’s pissing me off even more.
To everyone, I just want to explain how stupid they are. Some people are just really stupid. It’ll just be stupid arguing or talking to them. It’s like, “What the fuck are you thinking?” Thats how I feel all the time though.
Following
Okay, I’ll admit. I do care somewhat about getting followed and un-followed. I smile for a bit when I see my count go up, but then when it goes down, I’m like what the fuck? I get un-followed for writing out my shit? Wait, didn’t you follow me for the same fucking damn shit? I get confused why people unfollow. It’s like they didn’t like one word that I didn’t...
Every breath I take, life is being sucked out of me. Oxygen is pleased to kill me. Sitting here doing nothing feels the same as wondering around looking for something to do. Am I living or am I really dying?
God
I decided to test out this theory from a Christianity standpoint. Supposedly, we, Christians, should be dependent on God’s Love. I wanted to see how “miserable” or “worthless” you can feel denning his love. I want to run as far as possible I can from it. I know it’s not right even from a non-religious viewpoint. It’s like running away from your friends and...
I sit here remembering all the tears I cried, all the pain I felt for girls that left me, the mistakes I’ve made. It’s funny how back then I wanted to feel nothing, anything but that pain I suffered long ago. Flash forward to now, I sit here wondering where the fuck did my feelings go. Have I become cold-hearted? Fuck you heart. You stopped working on me. I don’t know where to...
Being happy makes you forget you’re human that you’re living. It takes away the pain of just breathing. People will do anything to forget they’re living. Drugs, money, people, and love are the most common. They are all the same. You see, we combine these things into our lives so we forget we are alive. We’ll do anything to be happy enough until we die.
When “nothing” happens, it seems more depressing than being sad. At least you’re crying. At least you know you’re in pain, living your life. Nothing; it’s the only way I can describe it now. Such a beautiful word, yet no meaning or rather the absence of something meaningful. Shall I replace it with misery or wait until something comes? Now I realize nothing is just...
The feeling where you aren’t sad, but you aren’t happy. You don’t know what’s going on, yet you see right through it. The feeling where there are two dots representing your eyes and a straight vertical line representing your lips. Where you can move around, but can’t move about it. I wish I had a name for that feeling, but then I realized it’s called life.
1 tag
It’s crazy how one text can break your heart.
A world of darkness within my body. A shovel as my only friend. A little light shine when ponder into the skies. There is hope. There is an escape to these troubles. Each effort fails and my soul is tired. There has to be another way. Enough with the hope, dig. Dig, until you reach the other side…